i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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