Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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