I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
