I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
