How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
