I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize