I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize