Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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