oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
