bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
