He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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