I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
