kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize