I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
