so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
