everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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