you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
