All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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