You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
