Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
