i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
