No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
