The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
