I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
