Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
