Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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