I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
