Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
