he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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