yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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