I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
