Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
