Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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