I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
