come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
