At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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