Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
