I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
