i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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