Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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