New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
