I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just high enough for therapy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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