Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
