So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
