He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
