She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
