just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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