I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
