so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
