see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize