Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
