how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize