Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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