I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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