I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
