I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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