Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
