My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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