On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are you so shy because you have an std?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's official drugs can't kill me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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