I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
