my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
