I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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