first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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