Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
third nipple confirmed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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