after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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