i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
