yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I want is dick and wine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize