I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
