The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
