I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize